What a thing to land in my inbox today. I woke up at 5am and knew my 11 year old was already likely online in his room (he has always been an early bird). He was watching YouTube shorts (like tiktok) which is nothing but pre-teen garbage and had his laptop on at the same time. It was still dark outside.
What a thing to land in my inbox today. I woke up at 5am and knew my 11 year old was already likely online in his room (he has always been an early bird). He was watching YouTube shorts (like tiktok) which is nothing but pre-teen garbage and had his laptop on at the same time. It was still dark outside.
I had been successful at limiting most garbage in our home until recently, when we moved, and I fell prey to sympathizing with his missing his old friends and missing out on new friends who game to socialize. I regretted it but still allowed it. The limits (set forth in the contract I drafted for him) were almost immediately disregarded and despite exhausting attempts to control it, I failed. I know this: it's all or nothing, and it grows and expands like a bad bacteria--there is no limiting it.
I spent the better part of the morning trying to explain my concerns to him but telling him I will ultimately be the decision-maker. I read him parts of this substack regarding his testosterone production and explaining to him (regardless of his ability to really comprehend) that efforts to ruin him are deliberate and it is my job to navigate that for him. And so, I will.
Just ordered two copies of Aurelius for both my sons. Thank you for a very timely hit on the head.
It's a good thing to be aware of and monitor. It's also incredibly difficult for young men to be uprooted and move house. Balancing your sympathies with that awareness will be a challenge. I can say with a fair amount of certainty your sons will already be much better off with those two copies you've ordered. In a few years (15+) books like Iron John, and Letters From A Stoic might also be useful. All the best to you and them.
I have a 15 year old too! So getting those now--much appreciated!
Thank you for being sympathetic--yes, it was an uprooting but also an enormous improvement moving from the heart of LA, where I (and they) grew up, and one they wanted too -(no more hookers and encampments on the short ride to school, or woke midwits teaching my kids). You are right that it is a daily challenge--the dysfunctional influences are everywhere and the messages are subtle/indirect. I'm on it!
A necessary move. 👏 Bravo. An aunt and uncle live off Westwood Blvd. A homeless encampment, hookers, and junkies still haven't sent them packing. They got a booster in September. Not looking forward to all the funerals ahead.
I recently read a book called "A Stoic Heart". One of the best works of historical fiction I've read in a while. It teaches the basics of Stoicism in an easy to read way.
I'm not a parent, so I'm sometimes loathe to comment to moms and dads about how they are raising their kids, but I will say this:
You did exactly the right thing telling your 11-year-old that you will be the ultimate decision maker.
I am stunned by how much kids get away with questioning the wisdom of their parents these days. As a child, I would not have dared question why I was being disciplined by my parents for my misdemeanours ... and I am eternally grateful for that.
I love MA ever since I discovered his writings in my teens. However, it's ironic that he failed somewhat in his role as father. His son was the appalling Commodus of "Gladiator" fame.
He's eleven. Can he pay for the gaming devices, TV, phone, internet? If not, cut him off. He'll hate you for awhile (I know my own daughter did when I cut the cord to her stuff), but he'll thank you later.
What a thing to land in my inbox today. I woke up at 5am and knew my 11 year old was already likely online in his room (he has always been an early bird). He was watching YouTube shorts (like tiktok) which is nothing but pre-teen garbage and had his laptop on at the same time. It was still dark outside.
I had been successful at limiting most garbage in our home until recently, when we moved, and I fell prey to sympathizing with his missing his old friends and missing out on new friends who game to socialize. I regretted it but still allowed it. The limits (set forth in the contract I drafted for him) were almost immediately disregarded and despite exhausting attempts to control it, I failed. I know this: it's all or nothing, and it grows and expands like a bad bacteria--there is no limiting it.
I spent the better part of the morning trying to explain my concerns to him but telling him I will ultimately be the decision-maker. I read him parts of this substack regarding his testosterone production and explaining to him (regardless of his ability to really comprehend) that efforts to ruin him are deliberate and it is my job to navigate that for him. And so, I will.
Just ordered two copies of Aurelius for both my sons. Thank you for a very timely hit on the head.
It's a good thing to be aware of and monitor. It's also incredibly difficult for young men to be uprooted and move house. Balancing your sympathies with that awareness will be a challenge. I can say with a fair amount of certainty your sons will already be much better off with those two copies you've ordered. In a few years (15+) books like Iron John, and Letters From A Stoic might also be useful. All the best to you and them.
I have a 15 year old too! So getting those now--much appreciated!
Thank you for being sympathetic--yes, it was an uprooting but also an enormous improvement moving from the heart of LA, where I (and they) grew up, and one they wanted too -(no more hookers and encampments on the short ride to school, or woke midwits teaching my kids). You are right that it is a daily challenge--the dysfunctional influences are everywhere and the messages are subtle/indirect. I'm on it!
A necessary move. 👏 Bravo. An aunt and uncle live off Westwood Blvd. A homeless encampment, hookers, and junkies still haven't sent them packing. They got a booster in September. Not looking forward to all the funerals ahead.
Yup--I've already been to a few funerals in 2021 and 2002 from sudden blood clot deaths. Almost everyone we knew there (in LA) was multiple-x vaxxed.
I recently read a book called "A Stoic Heart". One of the best works of historical fiction I've read in a while. It teaches the basics of Stoicism in an easy to read way.
Taking note, thank you!!
I'm not a parent, so I'm sometimes loathe to comment to moms and dads about how they are raising their kids, but I will say this:
You did exactly the right thing telling your 11-year-old that you will be the ultimate decision maker.
I am stunned by how much kids get away with questioning the wisdom of their parents these days. As a child, I would not have dared question why I was being disciplined by my parents for my misdemeanours ... and I am eternally grateful for that.
You sound like a great dad.
Thanks Anna! (I’m a mom!)
Oh my God, I mis-gendered you when I read your comment to my husband! I used the wrong pronoun!! Thank goodness you're not LGBTQ+++...
I stand corrected - and you are an amazing mom. :)
I've notified the SWAT team, Anna. They should be with you soon, you heartless hater! :)
Hahaha it’s an easy mistake. I think have a “direct” writing style which makes many people assume I’m male!
Yes, your writing style did contribute to me mistaking you for a guy. The directness is good! We need more of that.
Wise adults who aren't themselves parents can often have some good insights into raising kids.
A Bible would be a good order too 😉
I love MA ever since I discovered his writings in my teens. However, it's ironic that he failed somewhat in his role as father. His son was the appalling Commodus of "Gladiator" fame.
He's eleven. Can he pay for the gaming devices, TV, phone, internet? If not, cut him off. He'll hate you for awhile (I know my own daughter did when I cut the cord to her stuff), but he'll thank you later.
Writes some great stuff
https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/