Mamdani Mamelodi Sundowns

Socialism, Multiculturalism, Crony Capitalism, Tax Attorneys, and a cycling snitch walk into a Manhattan bar.

Mamdamadingdong

Barring ballot shenanigans in November or a motorcade ride around Columbus Circle in a Cadillac convertible on an invitation from the Upper East Side’s Friends of Cuomo Political Action Committee and the local B’nai Brith, “Democratic-Socialist” Zorhan Mamdani will probably be New York City's next mayor.

Mamdani is not to be mistaken with the Mamelodi Sundowns —a football club from South Africa that was just eliminated from the FIFA Club World Cup competition, which could easily be mistaken as a team from Morris Park, East Bronx. They’re a fast and exciting team, but lack strategic understanding and tend to make wrong choices with the ball. They’re the kind of team you’d cheer for if you knew nothing about football.

Mamdani was born in Uganda and arrived in the empire colony at age seven via a stop in Cape Town, South Africa. He would be the city's second youngest ever mayor, and first Gurjati Shia Muslim mayor, but not the last. Mamdani is young and exciting, but lacks a rudimentary grasp of business, government, economics, and like most socialists, tends to wear his emotions on his hammer and sickle armband. He’s the kind of candidate you’d cheer for if you never paid taxes in your life, never owned a business, never worked a job, and never saw a 23rd birthday party.

But given the history of graft, collusion, and self-dealing of New York City politicians for the past century and a half, he’s also a kind of “Hail Mary” outsider you might vote for if you're tired of the same ole same ole.

Andrew “we need more ventilators” Cuomo, who killed thousands of New Yorkers in nursing homes and hospitals in 2020 for a non-existent virus, was his biggest competition. Seriously.

First things first—my cards regarding New York City, or anything that happens there.

I’m holding five of them: I. Don’t. Give. A. Damn.

I’ve been there. It’s a hellhole. You can have it for reasons I’ll get to.

“Then why write about this topic?” You might be asking yourselves, Good Citizens.

Mamdani’s arrival has marked an interesting turning point in domestic politics that will further split the right-left Kayfabe participants, engendering more extreme calls for action. This division is playing out in predictable ways that will soon spread to other blue urban zones within the empire-colony, where people are tired of the same ole same ole.