2035 Heavenly Halftime Show (HHS)

A product of DARPA and PHARMA. Brought to you by the UN Climate Council.

A Good Citizen teleplay. Best viewed in a browser on a computer.

INT. = Interior
EXT. = Exterior

FADE IN

SUPERTITLES ON BLACK SCREEN:

PHARMA: People Have Always Relied On Medication Assistance.
DARPA: Deadly Advanced Respiratory Pathogenic Acquisition.

In the near future, annual freedom from global pandemics will be determined by one lucky contestant who spins the wheel of life at halftime of the Super Bowl.

SUPTERTITLE ON SCREEN OVER MODERNA STADIUM - MIAMI, FL - NIGHT
Super Bowl LXIX
February 11, 2035
Miami, Florida

INT. MODERNA STADIUM - SAME TIME
Lights shine on an obese black woman with long shiny hairy extensions who stands at midfield. She’s wearing a white leather jumper that is two sizes too small. Her flank and folds are flopping everywhere. This is the most popular daytime TV talk show host in the states, SHONDRA JACKSON. She’s holding a microphone and addresses the crowd who wait in anticipation for the biggest yearly event on the planet, the Heavenly Halftime Show and the spinning of the wheel of life. Standing near her are some executives in suits.

SHONDRA: And last but not least, this year’s winner of the wheel of life contest, here from nearby Hinesville, Georgia, please welcome Cassidy Blue! (crowd cheers)

Fireworks shoot out from the roof of the stadium. Cameras point toward the dark tunnel.

CUT TO:

SUPERTITLE ON BLACK SCREEN

Two Weeks Earlier

SUPTERTITLE ON SCREEN AGAINST NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE:

Heavenly Halftime Show (HHS) Production Meeting, January 18, 2035

INT. - CONFERENCE ROOM OF SKYSCRAPER - NYC - DAY

A large flat panel TV plays a commercial in a dark room of people.

VOICE ON TV: Our search took us around the world to find the one person who will decide the fate of all humankind. From Madagascar to Paraguay. Moldova to Peru. Malaysia to Norway. You all applied and we went out to find the one whose hands will hold the fate of humankind. And we found her in…

A pretty blonde girl with red and white plaid shirt tied in a knot below her breasts revealing her taut midsection turns to the camera.

CASSIDY BLUE: Hinesville, Georgia y’all! Watch me, Cassidy Blue spin the wheel of life on this year’s Heavenly Halftime Show.

A wheel spins on the TV with the clicker clicking against metal rods as we see the names of various deadly pathogens pass by, the ticker slows and slows but before we see where it lands... A clock appears with the second hand ticking even louder like a bomb.

VOICE ON TV: Broadcast live around the world, February eleventh. Eight pm eastern time.

The lights go on in the room. A group of entertainment executives around a long table. At the head is the director JAMES, older metrosexual type with dark colored beard oversized glasses with his slim young assistant RAYLENE on his left. The rest are PAN, a transsexual Vietnamese American who is head of marketing, and SAL, a chubby Brooklyn Jew who is head of talent.

JAMES: Cassidy Blue, she sounds like a star already. That’s the one, that’s the cut. We have all the time slots for tonight?

PAN: Yes, it airs tonight, around the world. Should we change humankind to people kind? Humanity?

JAMES: No. Leave it. Cassidy Blue, her name is perfect. Do we know yet where the wheel is supposed to stop, the DARPA wheel? It’s definitely not going to land on freedom so?

RAYLENE: Not freedom, no way. But the whispers I’m hearing are not Small Pox, and definitely not SARS-CoV-4. Based on the online chatter there’s a pretty good chance it lands on Pertussis.

JAMES: What the hell is that?

RAYLENE: It’s whooping cough and vaccination is already wide spread which makes Cassidy Blue…

JAMES: …our marketable million dollar hero who didn’t save the world but it’s a happy ending anyway with the whoopie thing. She signed over her TikTok, Insta, YouTube already?

SAL: Yes, we have control over all of them for the next five years.

JAMES: Sal, what’s the latest on negotiations with Shondra Jackson’s agent?

SAL: Sunnuva bitch wants twenty-five.

James slams his palm on the table.

JAMES: Twenty-five!? And she did it last year for seventeen? Damn it, she’s smart. She knows we don’t have the time to find a replacement. Well, tell him yes. We’ll bill PHARMA. Did you at least get Leo for the world spin?

SAL: Right now, he’s scheduled to be in Argentina for a climate conference that Sunday.

JAMES: Sal, you had one job damn it. Two jobs. Two!

SAL: The UN needs him down there, sea levels aren’t rising fast enough and the people there are getting restless. There’s nothing I could do…

RAYLENE: Speaking of UN, they’re drawing right now. The country exemptions. Leo’s doing it.

JAMES: Right now now? Well put it on!

Sal grabs a remote and changes the TV to a live feed of the UN Climate Council at UN HQ in New York City. On the TV Leonardo DiCaprio is pulling ping pong balls from a lottery hopper. Chyron at the bottom of the screen reads: UN Climate Council Third World Exemption Drawing

CUT TO:

INT. - UNITED NATIONS CLIMATE COUNCIL ASSEMBLEY NYC - SAME TIME

Madam EDITH TESSIER, head of the UN Climate Council stands at the podium before the delegations of the world. On a stage front and center LEONARDO DICAPRIO, pushes a button that spits out a ping pong ball, he reaches into the hole and grabs the next one.

He holds the ball toward the camera so we see the flag. Leans into the microphone and announces the nation.

LEO: The Gambia.

MADAM TESSIER: And now, for the last exemption.

He grabs the final ball and holds the ball toward the camera so we see the flag. Leans into the microphone and announces the nation.

LEO: Somalia.

MADAM TESSIER: The final 2035 pandemic national exemptions are in alphabetical order, Botswana, Burkina Faso, Central African Republic, Equatorial Guinea, The Gambia, Guatemala, Lebanon, Somalia, Tanzania and Zambia. A special thank you to Mr. Leonardo DiCaprio who has done so much to save the world from humanity, thank you Leo.

He nods at her and smiles. The delegates stand and clap. A young teenage looking girl in a white blouse with short black skirt waits for Leo off to the side of the stage where he grabs her arm and walks up the side aisle slightly in front of her. World delegates stand and show their admiration to the actor.

MADAM TESSIER: That’s it for today, we’ll see you all at the DARPA-PHARMA-UN Heavenly Halftime Show at the Super Bowl sixty-nine in less than two weeks. Thank you.

INT. - DARPA HQ - SAME NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Maximillian Guiro, President and CEO of PHARMA enters through two swinging wooden doors into the office of DARPA head Booth Chambers. The men are in fine wool three piece suits. Boothe rises from his desk. They shake hands. Max settles into a brown leather chesterfield sofa. On the TV the UN Climate Council selection ends. The TV shows Leo and his teenage girlfriend. Booth opens a liquor cabinet and pours two glass of scotch. Max looks at the TV.

MAX: Sunnavabitch Leo gets all the young broads. She’s young enough to be his daughter. She’s definitely not the one he brought to the Hamptons thing last August is she? New girl every week this bastard.

Booth hands him a scotch in a crystal glass.

BOOTH: She’s a model here in the city.

MAX: Yeah, no shit, they all are.

BOOTH: No but she’s the grand daughter of Rockefeller. Great great granddaughter of David.

MAX: No shit.

BOOTH: You get the memo from Geneva? The W-H-O?

MAX: I did. Whooping cough is what they leaked yeah?

Booth turns off the TV and sits across from Max in a chesterfield chair.

BOOTH: The clowns on the Internet are running with that. We had to get ahead of the rumor mill this year Max, you know how these leaks can ruin everything. And it’ll hit that on our wheel, and all will be calm until it’s not.

MAX: And you made sure my wheel is guaranteed. I don’t want any fuck ups this year Booth. I promised their board. They’re already doing billions in stock buy backs.

BOOTH: Come on. For Christ’s sake you saw the tests last week. All the wheels are controlled remotely now by a computer. 1000 out of 1000 landed on Pfizer.

MAX: I didn’t see each one, I saw a fucking print out of the results but, okay. (beat) It better be Pfizer, they’ve already started global production. Only 2 million doses domestically this time. Marth and I will get ours next week. You still going to your Island in Fiji?

BOOTH: No. Ranch in Colorado.

MAX: And they’re definitely releasing it here in May?

BOOTH: You know I don’t get to make these decisions.

Booth finishes his Scotch in one gulp and looks at Max with contempt.

SUPERTITLE ON SCREEN: Two Weeks Later

SUPERTITLE ON SCREEN OVER FOOTBALL STADIUM:
Super Bowl LXIX
February 11, 2035
Miami, Florida

INT. - HHS SATELLITE PRODUCTION TRUCK - STADIUM PARKING LOT - NIGHT

The whole crew is watching the screens. James, Raylene, Sal and Pan stand behind some camera operators. Raylene’s phone rings. She answers it off to the side.

RAYLENE: They won’t let Cassidy Blue into the stadium because she didn’t get her second booster for the year.

JAMES: Are you fucking kidding me? I thought you sorted this out Sal?

SAL: She told me…

RAYLENE: They’re giving it to her right now and they’ll update her chip and then she can get through the turnstiles.

JAMES: Well, go make sure it gets done.

Sal turns to go.

JAMES: Not you!

Raylene hurries out of the truck.

INT. - MODERNA STADIUM, MIAMI, FL - NIGHT - SAME TIME

The stadium goes dark. The crowd cheers.

ANNOUNCER: Please give a warm welcome to the queen of day time talk, the one, the only, Shooooondraaa Jacksooooon!

SHONDRA: Ladies, gentlemen and gender neutrals watching around the world, welcome to the two thousand and thirty-five Heavenly Halftime Show, where one lucky contestant will represent all of humankind to decide if this is the year we’ve all been prepping for!

As we all know now, because the science is settled (crowd boos), it’s settled y’all. Stop your booing, it’s all settled y’all. As we know, in order to save the planet, more of us are going to have to go. (more booing) Y’all are just doing the dirty too much and we be tellin’ you to stop it y’all, you gotta stop it! (hyena laugh).

And because it’s been five long years since the last global pandemic hit on that wheel, there are now only two spots on the wheel to make it another year without anything. The odds of hitting something are seventy-eight percent this year! I know, I know it’s so exciting. And the folks over at DARPA have given us some woozies this year, wait til’ you see the wheel.

Now I know y’all wanna see Taylor perform. (crowd cheers) I do too. I do too. I heard her in rehearsals and I’m telling you this girl still got it, she bringing a whole new rep-a-tire of break up songs from her latest album forty-five. Before that we have a little business to take care of (hyena laugh) just a little bit of business to take care of, nothing major.

We’re only talkin’ about half of y’all maybe not watching the Super Bowl next year, (crowd boos), okay okay! Let’s get right to it. Here to spin the wheel of DARPA is the head of DARPA Booth Chambers (crowd boos really loud). To spin the wheel of PHARMA is CEO of PHARMA Maximillian Guiro (crowd boos even louder). To spin the wheel of the World is the head of the UN Climate Council Madam Edith Tessier (crowd boos and hisses)

The three stiffs wave to the crowd and stand before their wheels. The lights dim.

SHONDRA: And last but not least, this year’s winner of the wheel of life contest, here from nearby Hinesville, Georgia, please welcome Cassidy Blue! (crowd cheers)

Fireworks shoot out from the roof of the stadium. The big screen shows a dark tunnel. Nothing happens. The cameras are on the dark tunnel but nobody is coming. Shondra Jackson looks around confused.

SHONDRA: Where’s Cassidy? Come on out here gurl! There she is!

Cassidy Blue appears from the shadows of the tunnel and comes running toward Shondra but something looks off. She stumbles at the twenty-yard line and collapses on her face. The crowd gasps. She begins writhing and convulsing on the turf like a horizontal jackhammer. People scream out in horror. Paramedics rush from the tunnel out to assist her.

SHONDA: Okay, calm down. Everyone just calm down now. Something happened to poor Cassidy. I’m getting word now…okay we’ll take a commercial break and be right back.

INT. - HHS PRODUCTION TRUCK - STADIUM PARKING LOT - NIGHT

James, Pan, Sal and Raylene stand behind engineers watching the TVs. They all watch to see if Cassidy Blue is saved by the medics.

JAMES: Why can’t they revive her? Give her the Moderna Cardiac booster!

RAYLENE: They did James. It’s not working on her.

JAMES: And nobody knows CPR anymore since they released that booster. This can’t be happening. What about those shock paddle things? We need someone else. We don’t have time.

SAL: Commercial ends in 4 minutes.

JAMES: Raylene go find somebody now!

EXT. - HHS PRODUCTION TRUCK - STADIUM PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS

Raylene rushes around in circles. She sees somebody by the crafts services station.

RAYLENE: You! What’s your name?

We see a short chubby Hispanic guy with a hair net and Chili stains on his white apron. He points to himself as if to ask if she’s talking to him.

RAYLENE: You want to make a lot of money? Dinero? Mucho?

His eyes get huge. He nods his head up and down quickly.

RAYLENE: Is your vaccine schedule up to date? your passport to get into the stadium? Have you had your booster?

He shakes his head side-to-side.

RAYLENE: Come with me now. Quickly!

INT. - MODERNA STADIUM, MIAMI, FL - NIGHT - SAME TIME

SHONDRA: Welcome back everyone to the Heavenly Halftime Show! Cassidy Blue did not make it. She dead y’all. She dead. They telling me it was stress. Probably that pre-pandemic stress disorder that be goin’ around, y’all know. But the show must go on! We have here a replacement for Cassidy Blue. What’s your name?

RUDY CIENFUEGOS: My nay Rudy. Rudy Cienfuegos.

SHONDRA: Okay Rudy. Where did you come from?

RUDY CIENFUEGOS: You meeeen…Cuba? Ooo…I make Chili. Hylo. I happy to be here. Sorry, I have not good Engleesh.

SHONDRA: Any final words in Cuba or English before you spin The Wheel of Life Rudy?

RUDY CIENFUEGOS: I sorry… eef I done… do the yob. I try to… save world… for you.

The crowd goes bananas and starts chanting “Rudy! Rudy!”

SHONDRA: First he will spin the wheel of life to see what precautions we’ll all have to take to pretend to be savin’ some folks, you know how this works, we gotta always show that we be doing things to save lives to make some folks feel better about all this. BUT as you’re well aware Rudy will have a chance to save the world!

CROWD: Rudy! Rudy!

She puts her arm around Rudy and guides him forward.

SHONDRA: If he hits one of the “Freedom” stripes on the wheel, we won’t be spinning anymore wheels tonight and we all parteeeein y’all! Rudy step right up and give it a spin.

Rudy yanks the wheel up and down a few times and rips it down. It spins and spins and starts slowing down aaaaaaannnnnndd……slips just past the last freedom and stops on lockdowns, masks and shields. The crowd boos. Rudy’s face turns red and bows his head in shame.

SHONDRA: Rudy done screwed that one up. Too bad y’all didn’t get Cassidy Blue. Get outta here Rudy. Take a hike man, nobody wants to see you anymore.

Rudy walks off behind some camera men and toward a technical area on the sidelines where the lighting crew and operators work.

SHONDRA: Next we have the President and CEO of PHARMA Maximillian Guiro spinning the pharma wheel to see which company will get global contracts to supply the life saving vaccines. Go ahead Max.

He spins it and it lands on Pfizer as planned.

SHONDRA: Pfizer again. Okay. Now we know the first ten nations that will get the life saving vaccines. They were selected two weeks ago and they are (Loud Boos from the crowd) Botswana, Burkina Faso, Central African Republic, Equatorial Guinea, The Gambia, Guatemala, Lebanon, Somalia, Tanzania and Zambia.

Next up y’all we have the head of the United Nations Climate Council, Madam Edith Tessier (loud boos) who will spin the wheel of the world TWO TIMES to see which continent will be getting the virus AND which continent will be getting the life saving vaccines along with those ten nations. Go on madam.

Tessier spins the wheel of the world and it goes round and round and stops on…North America. The boos from the crowd are loud and fade to a desperate sigh of ‘awe shucks’.

SHONDRA: Okay madam, North America gets the virus. One more time please for the vaccines.

Tessier spins the wheel of the world and it goes round and round and stops on…Africa. The boos from the crowd are deafening.

SHONDRA: Okay. Calm down y’all. You know what?! I don’t like y’alls attitude right now! This is shameful y’all.

Back by the engineers Rudy hangs his head in shame. The boos continue. Someone pelts him in the head with a plastic cup of beer.

SHONDRA: Okay. Okay. Get it out of your system. Y’all a bunch o’ raciss crackers you know that! Go on. Mr. Booth Chambers, go spin the wheel of DARPA and let’s see what kind of pandemic we be havin’ here in North America this year.

Booth approaches the wheel of DARPA and gives the spin of the wheel he rehearsed many times before. The wheel clicks and goes round and round.

Back behind the production crew Rudy starts holding his chest and wincing. Behind him fans heckle him. In front of him is a guy in a station operating a tiny hard-shell laptop that shows the wheel that is currently spinning. From Rudy’s point of view he watches the wheel, then looks at the screen. He’s grimacing now. The pain is too much. His vision gets blurry and more blurry, in and out of focus. Rudy sees the laptop operator has selected Pertussis (Whooping Cough) on the computer. Rudy looks one last time at the wheel before collapsing on the laptop operator. The station is shaken. The operator is crushed beneath the weight of the chubby Cuban who begins convulsing. Three feet away on the turf the operator can see the laptop has disconnected. The screen is dark. He looks at the wheel on the giant big screen inside the stadium as it slows to a stop, tick, tick, tick, tick………….and stops on COVID-HIV-EBOLA Level 5 out of 5.

The crowd goes bat shit crazy. Pandemonium ensues. Trash starts flying onto the field. People start running onto the field. Security rush to escort Max, Booth and Madam Tessier through the tunnel. Rudy lay boosted and dead on the lap top operator.

People flee the stadium. Shondra Jackson throws down the microphone and runs for the tunnel. Her fat folds fly around her like one big disc, a flesh hula-hoop. She stops after twenty yards to hold her chest. She winces in pain.

INT. - HHS PRODUCTION TRUCK - STADIUM PARKING LOT - SAME TIME

JAMES: This is fucking unreal. It was supposed to stop on Whooping cough. What the hell…

SAL: Back from commercial in 30 seconds…what do I tell Taylor.

JAMES: Tell her she’s on in 30 seconds!!

INT. - MODERNA STADIUM - SAME TIME

Spotlights on center stage. The stadium has cleared out. Nobody’s in the stands. Trash is everywhere. All alone on a stool with a guitar is Taylor Swift. She whistles into the microphone as the backing band in the dark behind her start playing.

TAYLOR: I knew a boy…sing with me everyone!…I knew a boy, boy-jangles and he danced with me…then broke my heart…

FADE OUT

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