Behind that slap and that sad man cursing at the Alopecia Awards was a story. It is one of psychological manipulation, marital pain, cuckoldry, and being Hollywood, of course, boatloads of narcissism. Oh, and a non-life-threatening hair condition. This is what I learned, losing many brain cells in the process so you don’t have to.
Alopecia is apparently no joke.
You’d think by reading recent reports of award ceremony bitch slapping that alopecia can be just as dangerous as snow shoveling and just as deadly as cancer.
At the annual American Alopecia Awards Sunday night things got a bit heated when the night’s guest of honor Jada “GI Jane 2” Pinkett didn’t take kindly to a joke by Chris Rock who was there to present the award for Best Alopecia Documentary Short.
What do husbands do when their formerly separated back-together-again cheating wife is joyless, humorless, psychologically abusive, and subsumed by a self-seriousness only possible in narcissistic celebrities completely disconnected from reality?
In the words of the great Black American philosopher-rapper PhiloDawg the answer is clear: “Smack dat nigga.”
If you were to get this entire story from woke Twitter it would read something like this:
Alopecia suffering 100x millionaires are some of our most vulnerable in society. Answering their call to correct the injustices of the universe with violence is always warranted, especially against hate speech, on live TV at the Oscars.
Allow me to fill some holes in this story, pun intended.
Cuckolded husbands are no longer a rare breed of a husband across the American Maritial landscape. The happiness of one’s partner has become paramount to the success of western marriages and nothing is apparently off-limits in this quest. This itself is already a problem. The happiness of a couple who fly on private jets and have a net worth of hundreds of millions of dollars is another consideration entirely.
As the great comic Kevin Nealon asked, “What does one do for amusement when they’ve traveled everywhere and done everything that money can buy?”
His answer was to try autoerotic asphyxiation or rather mock those who turned to the practice out of boredom. His question was an answer to a cultural problem that confused him at the time. Rich and famous people were dying buck naked with belts and ties around their necks, an odd thing in a time of peace, with no national revolutions. There are only so many ways to ‘get off’ in Hollywood, but in this case only if one can ‘get down’ in time.
For teen girls, boredom and unhappiness can result in cutting themselves to feel something, as Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s daughter Willow started doing when her teenybop hit song only sold 1.5 million copies.
Boredom has become endemic. More recently gender and sexual experimentation have become sources of post-modern amusement for the young and confused, the clueless and bored. Advertising pronouns with associated gender identity and sexual orientation flags are now a way to signal to one’s tribe that they are ‘hip to the causes du jour’ and not suffering from mental illness or longing to feel a part of something through conformity and submission. The point here being it’s not just the parents going in destructive circles, it’s a family affair.
Apparently, the destruction of every member of the family unit has been a goal of official policymakers for decades, though it’s still considered a “conspiracy theory”. Black lives matter and other organizations have openly stated this is one of their goals.
Welfare policies rooted in 1960s Great Society handouts planted the first seeds of domestic destruction and Hollywood (and Disney now openly) have been doing their best to accelerate the process on the cultural front ever since.
Is this what Brandon’s “New World Order” portends?
The family: homosexual marriages will be legalized; parents will not be allowed to raise their children (the state will); all women will be employed by the state and not allowed to be “homemakers”’ divorce will become exceedingly easy and monogamous marriage will be slowly phased out;
The increasing prevalence of the cuckolded husband is just one of many symptoms of our bored and diseased culture hellbent on self-destruction. The examples are endless, but back to the story.
In his desire to please his wife Mr. Smith believed her when she said she needed to go and “discover who I am again.” That required sleeping with a young rapper and using him for her self-discovery process. Apparently, the rapper suffered from an auto-immune disorder from opioid addiction and she was needed as both partner and mother to the young man in a way her husband never needed her. After her mission of using him to “heal her” was complete, she returned to her husband to resume their marriage and referred to the affair as merely having an “entanglement” as all honest and responsible people do.
Mr. Smith consented to his wife going off to “find happiness” as they both put it, but could not conceal his pain for not being able to make his wife happy and has been accumulating that pain ever since so that it would eventually erupt in a public display of cuckold regret through violence.
This marital drama is not unique in any way other than it involves two rich celebrities who lack self-awareness and an inability to grasp reality. Orbiting around them are two entitled rich children who are even further disconnected from reality than their parents. Every endeavor is about themselves. Every thought revolves around their own personal feelings. Communicating any ideas requires that ubiquitous sentence starter “I feel like…”. The topic could be about muscle car carburetors and they will still begin to speak on this topic with the words, “I feel like…”.
I feel like that’s a big carburetor.
I feel like this muscle car’s carburetor is like, old and stuff.
Thoughts precede language. Thoughts about oneself permeate the raging narcissists of our epoch. Two generations of raging narcissists now commence their utterances with declarations of self + feelings.
Is there anything more important in the universe than one’s feelings after all?
Yes. One’s feelings about how many peopled liked a recent selfie that took hours to produce.
Forgive me Good Citizens, clearly this story needs an ending before we all lose more brain cells.
The drama climaxes with one nigga smacking another nigga before screaming “Keep my wife’s name outchya’ fucking mouth!” and no repercussions.
Actually, they gave him an award shortly after the ugly episode and allowed him to speak on how God was calling him to love people. Seriously.
After years of woke Twitter mocking the Oscars for being so white, did we finally get to see what #OscarsSoBlack looks like?
tame jokes mistaken for Alopecia insults
an award after committing assault
Claims: God calling him to show love to others
post-awards celebrations of….themselves
aftermath where half of the slimy industry stood up for the assaulter and blamed the victim
The entire affair can best be summed up by the angry and confused assaulting man when he said of his pre-entanglement behavior around his wife, “I was an insecure little boy that wanted Jada to say I was ‘great’ and if she didn’t say I was ‘great’, the dragon came out.”
She went and had an affair, which she still refuses to call an affair and came back to a man who couldn’t please her or make her happy yet still wants her to think he is great.
The anger and resentment built up like a volcano and erupted on Chris Rock. If his wife wasn’t there to make that stupid face would he still have reacted with violence?
It started harmlessly with his laughter at a simple joke that his joyless insecure wife did not find amusing. He had to immediately overcompensate his behavior in his endless desire for wanting her to say he was great.
And out came the dragon for a bitch slap in front of a couple of billion people. (counting replays in the digital ether)
Now go take a long bath.
The Good Citizen Video Version:
(Note: I have not watched this Oscars for 8 years so I’m renaming the ceremony The American Alopecia Awards)
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On the probability of it being staged my final thoughts on this whole asinine event and then I'm never thinking about it ever again:
1. Pfizer sponsors everything. Sports, news, awards. Sponsoring the Oscars is pennies for them.
2. There are already alopecia drugs.
3. There's only 1-2 in a thousand who suffer from her condition. That's not a big market. Even the larger market of male hair loss, there are already drugs DHT blockers etc. and hair restoration procedures. Compared to seasonal clot shots and "boosters" for tens of millions it's nothing for Pfizer.
4. They would have had to go through agents, managers, lawyers of Rock and Smith, in secret and probably paid them tens of millions each. Each have different agencies, managers, lawyers. That's a minimum of 20-30 people who would have to keep it secret along with anyone at Pfizer. It's ludicrous when you know how hollyweird works. It's a sieve of endless gossip.
5. Rock made a joke about Jada at the 2016 Oscars which was a 1000x worse and she hasn't forgiven him. The GI Jane joke was her showing us that she doesn't like Rock and playing the victim of her condition at the same time to gain sympathy.
6. See the above piece on cuckoldry and regret. It provides a reasonable and simple motive rooted in far too much time spent watching the couple confess their dirty secrets on Jada's stupid red table show on YT. It explains his actions, and inability to control himself in the moment. Go watch all those stupid one-on-one confessionals between the couple where they air all their dirty laundry for the world and you'll see how she manipulates him, how he allows her to play him and deflects with jokes, but you'll also see real pain in the man, and regret and a desire for her acceptance.
7. See Rock's reaction. It's authentic as hell. He yells, "Dude!" and then he fumbles the improv joke because he's clearly still in shock, "Uhhh, that' was the uhh greatest night in the history of television." Night? Then the awkward silence because he doesn't know what to do. If they rehearsed it and he knew it was coming then he would have not said "Dude" and would have had something prepared. He's either the greatest actor of all time, or it was real. If it was staged and he was acting, he should get Smith's award.
8. Not everything in the world is a big pharma conspiracy. It is good to be suspicious and on guard for staged events, I'm just not buying this one as staged.
Not another word from me on this topic ever. And now I'm off to take another bath.
Love your summation. Had to share a portion of it. Just too good. You’re an excellent writer.